Everybody wants to be a cat
by midnight wildfire
Summary: ever wonder what happens when a you combine a bored byakuyan and a jealous mukuro? cats. if you dont understand, why not read the first few chapters? this is not a regular scheduled update
1. Boredom and Jealousy

Boredom was a natural state for Byakuran. very rarely did he find something to interest him to a degree that managed to overcome that particular emotion, so he just let it be. he didnt try to ease it by doing something, he merely sat there, or wondered aimlessly. it was on one of these wonderings that he came across something rather interesting. Rokudo Mukuro was leaning against a large sakura tree muttering to himself. however, this was not what was interesting, no, mukuro often muttered to himself. what was interesting was the topic of the kept hearing words such as 'stupid' and 'asshole Hibari'. deciding to listen a bit more, Byakuran used his wings to gracefully and silently land in the branch above him, so intent was he in his muttering that he remained undiscovered.

"no wonder they call him dame-Tsuna, if he falls in love with something like that Hibari twat, oh who cares, he can have the idiot, no way am i going to interfere, no, if he wants him he can have him, baka-dame-Tsuna"

Byakuran chuckled to himself, poor Mukuro was jealous of the tonfa wielding hottie. yes, even he had to admit that Kyoya Hibari was hot, downright sexy even. he could see why Tsu-kun would fall for him. and he only got hotter with age if he remembered from his time in the future. not that he was gay, no, he was actually quite interested in Yuni himself, but he was not one to indulge these sort of needless feelings. the muttering continued.

"if only there was some bloody way for me to stop them from being with each other, wait didnt i say just a second ago that i wasnt going to get involved? grr"

an idea sparked in the back of byakurans brain. he could help the young boy, well, help in a byakuran sort of way, which in reality helped no one but himself. technically, he would stop them being together, as in a human couple all la-di-da and whatnot. not that he expected kyoya to be that way, but Tsuna definately was. the vongola had been acting too normal for his tastes lately anyway. there needed to be something to liven them up a little. what better than a little prank on his favorite mafia boss in training and his lover boy? now he just needed to get Mukuro to help.

"so are you going to stand there mumbling all day or are you actually going to do something about it?"

suddenly being confronted by someone who has previously tried to kill you obviously was not welcomed. as he was immediately in a defensive stance with his earring turning into a staff looking remarkably like the khakkhara carried by fictional 'warrior monks'.

"whoa down boy, im not going to hurt you, im not 'that' byakuran, im more of a 'keep the peace and fawn after yuni-chan' byakuran" well, not nessecarily keep the peace, but definately the second half, and if Yuni heard he had hurt someone, he was going to be kicked out of his new little group. which he was surprisingly attached to. even Gamma, his 'rival in love' had accepted him to a certain degree. it was a refreshing break from the destruction of life as we know it.

"well what do you want?" poor boy, he sounds so dejected. maybe i should have given him a nice cheerful fight. instead of deciding to trick him into playing a prank on his 'loved one'.

"i couldnt help but notice something about the young vongole and his cloud guardian has you a tad upset" and boom. instant tomato face. obviously his affection towards him was not supposed to be widely known information.

"i-i d-dont know what you are t-talking about" awww.

"dont lie, i heard you just now, you wanted to get between Tsu-kun and lover boy, and i must say that is very bad of you, naughty mukuro" apparently all that teasing only amounted in an even more dejected looking death glare and some slumping down the trunk of the tree to sit on the ground. he must really be hurting bad. the mukuro he knew would of tried to at least stab at him with his staff (now earring again).

"how about i help you? i already have an idea, you just have to approve, yes?" he was thinking about it, thats a good start at least, well he was going to go through with it anyway, it just made things easier to have a mist flame user. if needs be he would use Fran. ooh wait, maybe he should get Fran in on it anyway? it would provide the power to cover not only Tsu-kun and Kyo-chan, but the entire vongola famiglia. hmm. he will contact the idiot later. Right now, mukuro was asking him something.

"so what exactly is your almighty plan?" he could laugh, putting on such a nonchalant air as if he was merely allowing him to state an opinion rather than create a scheme to get back at his one time love. bless him.

"how about we put your mist flames to good use? you already have verde's machine to make the illusions into reality correct?"

"...yes"

"well then, how about we get you and your little apprentice fran to put a real illusion on the entire vongola group? one that can only be undone under certain conditions"

"like what?"

"such as... hmm. our whim? we could release it whenever we wanted to of course. and as an added bonus, we could make it so that it would only work between the couples of the group for an extra laugh"

"well what did you have in mind?" As byakuran explained, the man in front of him was struggling to contain his laughter, and a cheshire grin spread its way over his face slowly. this plan was going to be absolutely purrrrfect.


	2. Feline Herbivores

Have you ever had the feeling of beating a few worthless herbivores to death? well at this moment in time, That was exactly what Hibari Kyoya wanted to do. He had found a cat on school grounds, and it was following him. animals other than Hibird were strictly disallowed. someone was going to catch hell for this. it was not unusual for a pet to have the shortened name of the ownwer, and the name tag happened to say Tsuna, and proceeded to describe the location of his house on the back. his cute but useless boyfriend. maybe that was why the cat was so attached to him, maybe he could smell his masters scent. whatever it was, he was not happy.

it even looked like him. the same orange-brown fur that made up the hair on his silly little head. the same big orbs that stared directly into your soul, no matter how deep you buried it. and the same warm and fuzzy aura. hell, the collar even looked exactly like a modified version of the Sky vongola gear he now wore on his rather feminine finger.

he glanced back. still being followed. the cat tilted its head slightly. it had that look Tsunayoshi got when he was confused. like he had done the cat some injustice it did not understand.

he sighed and turned to fully face the creature. 'Tsuna' sat down on the ground and mewed. looking intently up at him as if willing him to understand something. kneeling down, he scratched the bottom of the cats chin absentmindedly, causing it to purr.

"you cant keep following me around all day you know" Tsuna gave him a 'you are an idiot' look. well. Tsunayoshi was worse than he was.

he meowed.**_ i wouldnt follow you, but i cant think of anyone else to turn to._**

hmm. he must've been more tired than he thought, he thought he heard Tsunayoshi's voice come out of the cat. he moved his hand from under Tsuna's chin to the base of his right ear, causing some louder and deeper purrs. maybe he would humor his imagination and have a conversation. weirder things had happened lately.

"and why is that i wonder, hmm?"

**_Because ive turned into a cat you freaking idiot!_**

he stopped his fussing. now the cat was even talking to him like Tsunayoshi. although it had been a while, 'freaking idiot' was his lover's endearment for him when royally pissed of, as he was not a big fan of swearing. He had to admit the little vongola was becoming less of a herbivore. how the cat looked right now was absolutely furious. which was soon erased when he went back to stroking his ear. a confused purr erupting from the small throat. he smirked. he would have laughed. except Hibari Kyoya did not laugh.

**_what's so funny? i cant help it, it feels so good_**

Tsunayoshi had always been able to detect the subtle changes in his emotions, he knew which smirk meant 'laughter', which smirk meant 'you better run you fool' and which smirk was his version of a 'rape face' as Gokudera had dubbed it one day. he also knew which frown meant 'you are dismissed for now', which frown meant 'dissapointment' and which one meant 'im not going to ask you, but i would really like a big hug right now'. which was rediculous. He didnt need such affection and was perfectly fine without it, but the herbivore would give him one anyway, out of prying eyes of course as to not damage his reputation or pride. and he would not deny how nice it felt.

"Kyoya!" he turned around, fractionally reaching for his tonfa's. only to see Yamamoto Takeshi running towards them. a slightly burnt and bedraggled looking grey cat sprinting behind him with a suspiciously familiar collar. with a cigarette in its mouth... can cats even smoke?

**_Juudaime!_**

ah. there was only one idiot that called Tsunayoshi by that name. Gokudera Hayato must be the identity of the grey cat. the collar must have been his vongola gear. the belt buckle turned neck buckle possibly?

"thank god we found you, we had been looking everywhere for Tsuna because Gokudera suddenly shrank and turned into a cat...but i see you have a similar problem." so this was affecting others as well as Tsunayoshi. up until now he still had not determined if the cat really was talking. with another talking cat, the aforementioned storm guardian , the odds of this being due to tiredness slimmed massively. with the conformation of another guardian, albeit a stupid one, the rain guardian, reduced the chances to nearly zero. Standing slowly and bringing a hand to his face to place it over his eyes.

"What happened to him" he hated to ask, but he was just a tad curious as to why his fur was burnt.

"he was playing with his bombs when he turned into a cat"

he suddenly felt exhausted.

this again, only increased when yet another idiot herbivore rounded the corner holding a slightly smaller purple tinged cat with an eyepatch, another Vongola Gear styled collar , and what looked like a plastic bag containing a namimori uniform. looking over at Yamamoto, he was also carrying a bag containing a uniform. although it was his baseball duffle bag. he guessed the outfit belonged to Gokudera. now that he thought about it, where were Tsunayoshi's clothes?

"Chrome is a cat to the EXTREME!"

_**Please calm down Ryohei-kun**_

just perfect. hopefully this was only limited to the vongola herbivores and had not infected his precious school. Hibird fluttered down to rest on the fluff atop Tsunayoshi's little kitty head. the choruses of 'trouble trouble trouble' in between extracts of the namimori anthem were not actually helping. good god, now he remembered why he hated crowding so much.

reaching into his pocket and withdrawing his mobile, he skimmed the contacts list and came to the baby, who since Tsunayoshi had destroyed the curse, was not actually a baby. however, that is what he was, and that is what he shall stay. he pressed dial, put the phone to his ear and waited.

"ciao" ever since the removal of the curse, the chaos ciao mixture the baby pronunciation produced was eliminated. causing the rich deep italian voice to sound slightly more dignified somehow.

"we have a problem" he heard a deep rumbling sigh from the other end of the phone.

"let me guess, someone is a cat." how come he always knew what was going on before anyone told him. he answered sarcastically.

"how did you guess"

"because i woke up to a black and white fluff ball semi wrapped in cow print pajamas mewling my name in its sleep where i am sure the stupid cow was meant to be sleeping" hmm. the relationship between baby and Bovino was not unnexpected. an incident had occured some months ago with the ten year bazooka which had caused Bovino's ten years later body and mentality to be replicated instead of swapped. this of course was Gianni's fault. and of course it was irreversible as there was no way to retrieve something that simply did not exist anymore. unlike the times when the mind had only swapped, or the bodies.

Reborn had instantly become more interested in the boy. claiming that he was now not a half assed hitman and worthy of his respect. no one else thought so. it was clear that he was just acting now because he could marginly get away with it. the Bovino now being 17 in terms of physical and mental age making him the same age as the majority of the rest of the current group. baby, having reverted to his adult form without ageing a day, was 26.

"its not just one person" he heard something grumbled on the other end, some shuffling of clothes being put on and and a screech that sounded like a wounded cat. probably not far off. knowing baby's penchant for tying to kill things in frustration. he probably couldnt find something. he heard a muted 'get off my hat dumb cow' and some more shuffling before he replied.

"how many"

"three"

"who"

"Tsunayoshi Sawada, Gokudera Hayato and Chrome Dukuro as far as i can tell"

"why is it always Dame-Tsuna" that part was muttered under his breath. he then spoke with more authority "get them here now, we shall discuss the problem here" he hung up, but not before Kyoya caught the sound of sweet nothings whispered to a scared cat and some purring. it was actually quite sweet. but he didnt do sweet, so he closed the phone and placed it back in its respective pocket.

"the baby wishes for us to go to him" which meant Tsunayoshi's house. Baby had been given his own room when the curse was lifted without any questions what so ever, you had to wonder about Nana's sanity. and also, how many rooms did that place have? it was like an extra person moved in every other week. a house with infinite space. of course this was an exaggeration. people had moved out now.

Bianchi had given up on her unrequited love when she discovered him and Bovino in the hallway having a heated make out session. moving in with Gokudera, who had since gotten over his fears and surprisingly did not live in his precious juudaime's closet, and yamamoto who owned an apartment only a few streets away. bovino had moved into baby's room only a week previously. Fuuta, Dino and Basil were too busy in Italy to visit very often. I-pin was back in china. things were getting quieter. he liked that. not only did it reduce crowding, but there was less people around to hear him and Tsunayoshi. the smirk worked its way back to his face.

**_You better not be thinking something perverted_**

he spared a guilty look at the cat beside him, he always knew what was going through his head. chalk it up to the fact he had spent the last 4 years being constantly in his presence. not that it was what he had intended in the beggining, he avoided them at all costs. but thats the one thing about clouds. they are forever bound to the sky. and, he mused, without the storm there would be no rain to fall. and if the sun stopped shining the mist would never form, which would explain Sasagawa and Chrome. and finally, Thunder and lightning were chaotic, and what better partner than the one who is always causing chaos. in fact, their dying will flames and personalities described their 'family' relationships perfectly. the sky held the sun and the clouds. the clouds made storms possible. storms bought rain and thunder. and the sun heated the rain to form mist. of course there were flaws in this, but it worked well nonetheless.

he felt a tug on his pant leg, Tsunayoshi had his little feline fangs in the material gently tugging.

**_do you want to explain to Reborn why we are taking so long?_**

it was a rhetorical question, knowing full well that he would love to do anything that meant he could fight with baby. but all the same, he scooped up his 'boss' in his arms in seconds, not even giving him a chance to complain. and hoisted him up to be cradled against his chest. petting him as he did so. it was amazing how quickly cats forgave you. he was just purring away.

giving no notice to the watching herbivores and pretending that he had not just displayed his other side for the world to see for a few milleseconds, he waltzed away towards the Sawada residence. and only remembering at that moment, he looked down at the cat sprawled out in his arms and asked a question that had bothered him earlier.

"Tsunayoshi where are your clothes?" he seemed to hesitate, although it is difficult to tell as a cat.

**_hanging from some of the open windows and ledges up the side of the school building..._**

"and how did they get there?"

_**...i was on the roof looking for you...**_

"and?"

**_... i started turning into a cat, freaked out, fell over the railing and landed on all four paws at the bottom, my clothes dangling from various places up the side of the building._**

this last sentence came out of him so fast that he vaguely wondered if Tsunayoshi had won the world record.

" there was no need for you to search, you do have my mobile number you know"


	3. The life of a Vongola hitman

This was going to be a problem. How exactly does one train a cat to become a mafia boss? in fact, scratch that, Tsuna was failing at anything mildly mafia related anyway. no, how do you turn a cat back into a human should be his priority. Glancing over at the cat that currently occupied his rather expensive bedsheets. After the incident that happened over the phone with Kyoya which involved a missing hat, he had found it scrunched under the still sleeping cat form of Lambo, he had duly apologised and given him a little kiss on the now furry nose.

He himself had woken up to a face full of long black and white blotchy fur, and whilst it wasnt the worst thing he coulve woken up do, it definately wasnt the best. he had always thought, when faced with the thought of his surrounding humans turned into animals, that Lambo would be a young calf. the boy seemed to have an unhealthy love of cows. Although, he did come from the bovino famiglia. Bovino meaning cattle in Italian. So it sort of made sense.

He smiled one of those rare smiles that few people ever see and fewer live to describe. Thinking back to the fact that, if it wasnt for his reputation as the worlds best hitman, he never would have met the stupid cow. he never would have had the chance to gaze into those emerald green eyes, although one is closed forever now through an unknown cause. if he wasnt a famous hitman, little Lambo would never have considered following him all the way to japan to 'defeat him'. which would have meant that he would not have such a loving partner as he did now.

A knock on the bedroom door signalled the arrival of the others, and he meandered across the room to open the door in nought but his trousers and Hat. Both of which he had decided to put on during the phone call. the trousers undone and hanging loose and no shirt to cover the tanned, toned and muscled chest was how he answered to door. And the camera that now adorned the door frame took in the nosebleeds of those on the other side, except for the ever un-emotional Kyoya. The camera, obviously for safety reasons, now had some pretty good blackmailing material for later use.

"come in" turning around and heading towards the left side of the bed to the location of his discarded shirt and tie, he carried on dressing himself as he watched the others enter the room. Kyoya was holding a rather healthy looking orange-brown cat with large eyes and a Sky flame collar. Dame-Tsuna. Ryohei had a smaller black and purple tinged cat sat on his right shoulder with a tuft of fur atop its head, an eyepatch that was half falling off and a mist flame Collar. Chrome. And finally Takeshi was followed by a strong looking cat with burnt fur, a cigarette in its mouth and a Storm flame collar. Gokudera. Can cats even smoke?

**_Tsuna! Chrome!_**

Greeting his favorites, Lambo casually ignored the existence of Gokudera, despite the now brotherly relationship, they still pissed each other off as much as before. The sight of a couple of cute fluffy cats mewing at each other in some foreign language only known to the cat universe was a slightly disturbing sight in the eyes of the hitman. Though undeniably cute, the thought that this was his 'boss', his lover and a cute high school girl sent shivers up his spine.

A thought occured to him.

"i do hope you bought their clothes. I dont think i need to explain what would happen if they suddenly changed back do i?"

Nods and blushes from Ryohei and Takeshi. A smirk and a chuckle from Kyoya. Who just shrugged his shoulders and gestured towards Dame-Tsuna to provide an answer. He looked towards his pupil.

_**Umm... i-i l-lost my clothes w-whilst turning into a c-cat**_

Maybe he didnt really want to know how that happened. He brought his fingers up and held the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Why could it never be a simple problem. It just had to be transformations. Time travel. Destruction. Not that he really minded, this was what being in the mafia involved. But it would be nice if he did not have to solve ALL the problems as they appeared. He knew that was not possible. Although there were plenty of people around that could solve it, more often than not, they were either the cause of the problem or the victim.

Such was the life of the Vongola family hitman. Although he could not recall Timoteo being this much of a problem. It may be because he was already an old and rather mellow man with lots of experience by the time they met. He had heard the old man was a hhandful in his younger days. Although he seriously doubted it was this much of a handful.

His hitman senses tingled. And as quick as humanly and inhumanly possible, a bullet was exiting the window to his right. Millimeters past the faces of a grinning Byakuran and a smirking mukuro. In a tree. 50 feet away.

They quickly dissapeared.

"i think i know the culprits" He said to the group that was currently staring at the broken window. It was a frequent occurence and he would pay for it later.

**_Why did you do that Reborn?_** the Tsuna cat was scowling. He thought. Hard to tell.

"warning shot"

**_For who?_**

"Mukuro and Byakuran"

**_Why?_**

"they were looking in the window with amused grins" He knew that even if he was the stronger of the two, if he told Tsuna that hedid it because he had a feeling someone might be there, and only checked who it was after he shot, then he would have an earful. And that could only sound more annoying coming from a cat.

"So you think they did this baby" Although he was seemingly cool and collected, he could see the vein that was throbbing dangerously in his forehead. He still hated Mukuro for the sakura incident then. If he suspected that the man had also turned his precious boyfriend into a cat, there was going to be hell to pay. And not only from him, he himself was rather royally pissed off with the situation.

"the question is, why is it only these four?" it puzzled him. surely if you are going to do something like this, then it would make much more sense to do it to the whole group?

"its not just them though" Everyone spun round as Byakuran came floating through the broken window. To be promptly riddled with bullets. "calm down, im not really here, this is one of mist boy's illusions" Great, now he couldnt even get the satisfaction of killing him.

"Why are you here marshmallow boy"

"just thought id warn you in the few minutes before the sun sets that it isnt just their problem" He was smiling. He looked out of the window. Huh. It really was close to sun down. He had slept all day. He turned back.

"what are you talking about" this was getting frustrating, he wished to wring his scrawny little neck.

"hmm~ i think ill let you see for yourself" with a massive cheshire grin, he dissolved away. Leaving nothing but a feeling of dread.

"haha what did he mean the few minutes before the sun sets?"

"yeah! what does the sun have to do with this EXTREME situation?"

it was at that moment that the sun finally extinguished itself below the skyline. And for the longest minute, nothing happened.

"so what does-" he was cut off by the sudden by the room suddenly filling with smoke. When it cleared, four rather embarrassed teenagers tried to cover their naked bodies. with whatever they could grab. Luckily for Chrome and Gokudera, their clothes were in arms reach. Lambo's pyjamas were on the bed. But dame-tsuna had nothing to grab. Kyoya stripping off his top and coat to give to the shivering boy. His top half was just as refined as his own.

"sooo you guys are back to normal then?" Takeshi always had to state the obvious. His blush was evident though in those high and defined cheeks.

It was twilight. The transition between sun and moon would only last for a small amount of time. And he had a bad feeling.

Sure enough, when the twilight ended, they found out what Byakuran had meant when he said that it wasnt just confined to them four.

Lifting up his front paw to adjust his fedora. He cast a glance around the room. A greyish cat with a plaster on its nose and bandages on its front paws and a sun flame collar. A slightly ruffled black cat with a white stomach and paws that looked way to happy in this situation, a rain flame collar. And finally a completely black cat with a menacing aura, very sharp looking claws and a cloud flame collar.

Only one thought was in his mind.

Im going to kill them. Slowly and painfully. Be afraid Mukuro and Byakuran. Be VERY afraid.


End file.
